oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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