Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
