Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
