Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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