The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
