clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
