Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is Oprah even human
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
