Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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