I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize