Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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