don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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