Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
