I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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