I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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