**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
