are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
