If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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