I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
