i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
