shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
third nipple confirmed
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
