He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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