She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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