My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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