And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
