my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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