I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
