Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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