Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
