The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize