Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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