i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
