Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
