I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
