omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
