She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize