White coat. Heels.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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