We're like a lot better than the average bears
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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