Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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