Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
