And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize