Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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