Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize