she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
