saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
