this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
