He disabled his match.com account in front of me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
cat food counts as protein by the way
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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