I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
