so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is it penis luge time yet?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
