The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
