I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
