I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
