Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
