My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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