Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
