so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
