fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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