She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize