Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
