You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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