fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You smell like stripper and shame
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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