singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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