I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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