I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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