Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
