just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
