I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
