Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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