I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
