dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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