yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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